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Posts tagged ‘China adoption’

China Said “No”, So Now What? 

For those of you not playing along at home we have five children. We have three biological children, and two kids adopted from China. We submitted paperwork to the Chinese government to adopt another little girl which was summarily dismissed by their authorities on the basis of our low vision. We appealed the decision to no avail.  For the last 2.5 years we have been working and planning to adopt again. My children  were super excited to have another little sister, and to go back to China. That door has been closed for our family, so now what? 

First, we are broken hearted for the daughter who is loved and desperately wanted, but will never know it. I pray almost hourly that another family will  step forward for her. She has medical needs that  are not being met in China. She very likely has a rare genetic disorder that her care takers don’t even know she has. It requires screenings that she is not getting in China. Knowing that God loves her, sees her, and knows what she needs even more than we do is the only thing that makes this bearable. 

We are shocked, and angry. This is straight up discrimination, and it would be illegal here in America. We were denied based soly on having a disability. They ignored our proven track record of TWO OTHER CHINESE ADOPTIONS. They ignored our glowing post placement reports for those two kids. They ignored our videos showing us to be capable parents. They ignored the letter our oldest  adopted daughter with spina bifida wrote telling them how she is now learning  to walk because of the medical care she received since being in our family.  They saw the diagnoses of low vision, and that was that.
Despite our heartache we will choose greatfulness. We are grateful for the two children we do have from China.  Both of our adoptions had someone in China try to disrupt the adoption when they knew we had low vision. With the adoption of our first son we were in China signing the final paperwork . The lady made a phone call, and was on the phone for a good 10 minutes. We thought nothing of it, but later our translator told us the woman took one look at my husband’s cane, and called  the social welfare people to ask if they were sure she should let us take Kai home.  With our daughter one part of the process was taking longer than it should. We found out later that a particular person was campaigning for us not to be able to adopt her. Apparently the same person is the one who rejected us this time. Every child added to our family, be it through biology or adoption, is a mirical of God. The last few days has been a sobering reminder of that.

We will choose love. It is tempting for us to harden our hearts against China, but we are going to choose love, and mercy. This is the first home of two of our children. If we reject China it would be rejecting part of our children. We loved our time in China, and hope to visit again some day. Telling my teenage daughter who was only adopted 18 months ago, and was really looking forward to going home agin, that we couldn’t was heartbreaking. We will continue to support other China adoptive parents, and agencies serving Chinese orphans. 

We are going to choose faith. The song “Trust In You” by Lauren Daigle conveys our feelings perfectly. Adopting a third child from China to complete our family has been a dream, and goal go ours for seems like forever. We did all the “right” things to make that happen. The reality of that not happening now was crushing.  BUT, like the song says, we will lay that dream at His feet. We also know that when God says “no” to a dream it’s either because it’s not for you, or because He has something better planned. Either way we trust Him, and will accept it even if we don’t understand. 

We are going to choose hope, and go where He sends us. China is closed to us, but we still have room in our hearts and home for another child. We are exploring other options to complete our family both international and domestic.  China was comfortable as we had done it twice, and know exactly what to expect/do. We aren’t sure what will happen next, or that we will even ever have a sixth child. But, we aren’t giving up now. We definitely know what James 4 :13-15means. If the Lord wills it we will add another child to our family. I am a planner, and don’t do well with uncertainty, or rejection for that matter. We are choosing to consider this a season of growth and refinement.  

Why One Adoption Just Wasn’t Enough

In August of 2013 my husband and I left our three biological kids with grandparents and embarked on a journey to China. We thought our mission was simple enough. We thought we were going to spend two weeks in China completing the adoption of our son. The son that would complete our well rounded family of two girls and two boys. We could have never imagined how in  just 14 days our eyes and hearts could be opened, and our world view could be completely turned up side down.

Our second week in China we were with some other families that were adopting from our same agency.  A tour guide would take our families on outings while were were waiting for our immigration paper work to be complete. I very clearly remember standing in the door way of a shop talking to some of the other moms. These moms were second and third time to China adoptive moms. One of them looked at me, and jokingly said “Oh you’ll be back.” I adamantly protested that I under no uncertain terms would be back. We had four kids, one income, and neither of us drive. We absolutely adored our new son, but were DONE growing our family.

Fast forward about 6-9 months. We were home, our son was adjusting well, and life was good. We had some mildly rough waters in the beginning, but for the most part Kai integrated into our family like a rock star. By all American standards life was good, and we should have been happy.  I just couldn’t shake this sinking feeling that God expected more of us.  I was becoming increasingly disgruntled with chasing this thing called the American dream.  It made me feel selfish having extra rooms full of toys (play room) and computers (office/guest room) when we had seen babies being cared for in a room that was wall to wall cribs. It was clean, and the nannies were loving, but still it was wall to wall cribs. Things that I was looking forward to like replacing our floors or repainting the interior of our home just didn’t seem to matter anymore.  We had seen the aftermath of families working 12-18 hour days just to provide food and heat for their small sparsely furnished homes. Families who had no choice but to abandon their children as they would never be able to save the money needed for their child’s life saving surgery.  I had told my children 10,000 times that we put people over things, but that was certainly not what our lifestyles were teaching them.  I knew something big had to change, but I wasn’t quite sure what. I did the only thing I could do….I prayed.  I prayed that God would show not only me, but  also my husband what needed to change.

A few weeks later my husband comes to me, and tells me that he feels strongly that we should adopt not one, but TWO, more children. Not only that, but he felt like we needed an older daughter and a younger one.  My first reaction was to politely inform him that if he expected me to go back to China for two more kids that he should also plan on bringing back a lesser wife to help me take care of all SIX of our children.  After a few weeks of praying my heart decided to say yes to God, and yes to my husband. But, I said NO to adopting an older girl. I was afraid of all the chaos and issues an older girl could bring into our home. So after a few discussions we started looking for two younger girls with vision issues.

I spent hours scouring the internet, looking at every waiting child list I could find. I was very surprised that it was in fact the older girls, ages 8-10,  that were pulling on my heart. I accidentally clicked on a little girl’s profile who was 10 years old, and very clearly in a wheel chair.  Her profile was accompanied by a short video about her, and from that moment on I couldn’t stop thinking about her.  I must have gone back to her profile 100 times, but I thought there was no way we could take on a child with spina bifida, a club foot, and who uses a wheel chair. I thought her medical needs would be too expensive, and  we had no experience with this sort of special need. After all we are a family full of legally blind people. Plus she is TEN! But, almost even before I knew what I was doing I contacted her agency and requested her file. After reading the file out of fear of the unknown we declined to pursue her.

I still couldn’t forget her so I started looking at actual costs of wheel chairs and what insurance coverage we had. I started talking a a friend who adopted an 11 year old girl in a wheel chair about their experience.  I was still hesitant, but it started to seem more and more doable. The one thing that was holding me back was her medical issues.  We have absolutely zero experience with spina bifida or club foot.  A few nights later I was praying, and I was suddenly reminded of that woman who jokingly told me that we’d be back.  She and her husband were adopting two girls, and the younger one was blind. God put that child squarely in the middle of their hearts, but they were hesitant as they knew nothing about blindness. That family, knowing that God doesn’t ask for what he isn’t going to provide for, stepped out in faith and adopted that little girl anyway.  When they traveled to China their group included us, who knows a WHOLE LOT about blindness, and another family who the father was completely blind. What????

It was at that moment that I knew she was our child, and that we just couldn’t leave her in China one more minute. We contacted the agency her file was with, and immediately started working towards bringing her home. The next day I got a message from a fellow adoptive mom on Facebook who first started talking to me about adopting a 5 year old boy with vision issues. Come to find out last year she adopted two older girls who not only have the same medical issues our daughter has, but are from the same Social Welfare Institute.  She was able to answer all our questions, and calm our fears that this would be too difficult for us to take on.  Do you know how many orphans there are in China? How many Social Welfare Institutes?  How big the odds are that our two families would even cross paths, mush less connect on Facebook both loving older girls with Spina Bifida, and neither of us having a clue that the other had said yes to that kind of child??? If that is not a God thing I don’t know what is.

So here we are. I said we wouldn’t be back, and we will. I said I would’t adopt an older chld, and we are. I said we’d not consider a child with a special need involdving ongoing medical care like spina bifida or club foot, and we are.  AND, our hearts could not be more excited to do so.  As for the other daughter, that is still in the works. We aren’t sure if we will bring two girls home at one or make two trips to China. I guess we will have to wait and see.  God’s plans are soooooo much bigger than ours.